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Update.     26 April, 2008, 06:28 pm Leg was healing nicely, starting to feel better, etc. Then i had a really boring work meeting. And i have trouble paying attention, especially in meetings. So, i was sitting there, trying to keep myself occupied... and came up with a fun game: "See how far i can rotate foot before it hurts!!" It sounded brilliant, and brilliantly fun. I rotated it quite a ways to my left, with no pain. Awesome. Then i rotated to the right. I was doing quite well, then i felt a big pop and almost shat myself. It felt like i'd broken my leg again. Hell, maybe i did. But, i deserved it, so that's neither here nor there. Othere people noticed, too, because they mentioned it to me later (one guy also mentioned that he thought i'd shat myself). It was a pretty brilliant move. Then last night we had some lovely friends over and got a bit drunk. and i don't know what i did, but in the middle of the night i woke up in agony -- i seem to have severely pulled my groin (understandable, given that i'm dragging around a big heavy broken leg). I think i might crab-walk down the street today for a coffee. That would be exciting. --- Annie forwarded me this. She was emailing some guy on craigslist about an answering machine he had for sale (??). She replied to HIM, meaning to forward it to me with some questions. Pretty hilarious: Annie Says: I replied instead of forwarding it to you. sort of embarassed.... ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Annie Date: Fri, Apr 25, 2008 at 10:27 AM Subject: Re: answering machine To: Craigslist Guy I sort of want an answering machine.....I mean, if it works fine, why pay more on the phone deal? That would save me $7 a month. Yah, I staring to wonder about getting a land line and then a pay as you go.... might be the best option for me. thoughts? do you need to have a phone line to access internet? I acn't remember if you told me that or not. On Thu, Apr 24, 2008 at 7:32 PM, Craigslist Guy wrote: Annie, yes it is..phone me at 604-XXX-XXXX..we can talk directly or you can leave a message with a number I can call. I live near 1st and Victoria drive Craigslist Guy ----- Original Message ----- From: Annie To: sale-646624002@craigslist.org Sent: Wednesday, April 23, 2008 7:45 PM Subject: answering machine ** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY ** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home ** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping ** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html Hello! Is your answering machine still for sale? thanks! ~ Annie this message was remailed to you via: sale-646624002@craigslist.org No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 269.23.4/1395 - Release Date: 24/04/2008 7:24 AM ( 2 Comments )

Broke My Leg     16 April, 2008, 06:48 am So, in case you haven't heard yet, we were enjoying some spring skiing up on Blackcomb with Sparky and Neysa on Sunday when i busted my leg. Snapped my "fibula" just above the ankle. Here's a photo. Sparky and I found a cool little 15 foot cliff/drop and he was egging me on to try it, so i did a helicopter off it -- and actually landed it! Unfortunately, shortly after landing i hit and uncovered a little tree stump hidden by the spring snow. My foot got wedged into its base, and my leg snapped sideways over it. The pain wasn't too bad, and after the first couple minutes it eased up significantly (i was pretty sure that it was broken, since it felt like something "gave", but i tried to convince myself it was just sprained). The break was nothing major, and it turned out to be very clean and should set itself just fine and heal up nicely, provided i don't take a bad fall or anything, in which case i'll need to get it re-broken. That would be really fun. As it is, I'm on crutches (no weight-bearing) for 6 weeks, minimum. I have a temporary fibreglass splint/cast thingy for 10 days, so they re-xray it to see how its looking. Then I get a real cast. Crutches kinda suck. I didn't think it would be too bad, but they're really annoying. Annie left on the boat today, but even with her help yesterday i felt like an idiot... How do you get a glass of water from the kitchen to the couch? I tried pushing it along the floor with my crutch, inches at a time, but that sucked... we ended up finding a shopping cart in the alley that i'm now using to transport things across the apartment. A bit redneck, maybe? i figured i'd try going to work today, and had annie drop me off on her way to the ferry... things got off to a good start when i hopped out of the car right onto my bad leg. Doh. Then i spilled a mug of coffee all over myself trying to get it back to my desk -- and it ended up smelling like piss? Then i discovered that my yogurt (calcium!) busted all over my backpack. Rad. So, things were going so badly that i figured they couldn't get worse... so i hobbled to the seabus and home. Ever since my foot has been looking like an elephant. a fat, swollen elephant. its kinda got me freaked out, and i think i'll stay home tomorrow and try to take it easy. got any broken bone tips for me?? ( 2 Comments )

Pushing a Car in the Pouring Rain.     21 March, 2008, 09:01 pm So last night around 9pm i decided to head off to my hockey game. It was pouring rain. The car wouldn't start. Because of our car's unique ignition system, its very easy to remove your key and leave the car while its still running, or in my case -- while its on the 'accessory' position. So, anyway, the battery was dead. No big deal, right? It's a standard, so with enough speed i should be able to push start it! First i rolled the car out of its parking space, made a 90 degree turn in our parking lot (not easily done while pushing) and got up some speed... and hopped in... and couldn't start it. Shit. So, down the block is a hill, which would surely give me enough speed to start it! Off i went, pushing the car down the block (after pushing my way through an 18-point turn to get it out of the fucking parking lot into the alley). After a few hundred feet i was pretty exhausted. Luckily, a guy in a shitty car was driving up the alley (only people who drive shitty cars stop to help other people with shitty cars -- several nice cars passed me previously). Awesome, he could jump-start me (right?!). He rolls down his window and says, "I'll be right back to help." Before i could say anything, he sped off to park his car, and returned to help me push. Wtf, all i needed was a jump. Anyway, no big deal, pushing's a lot easier with two people. So, off we go, pushing for another 5 minutes. By this time i'm soaked, and i've broken out in a full sweat. But, alas, I've made it to the hill. I thank the kind fellow and roll off into the darkness, furiously trying to turn the engine over... but it wouldn't catch! No luck, wtf? I coast to the curb, cussing, and call some guys on my hockey team to let them know i'm not going to make it. I grab the jumper cables and stand in the rain with the hood up trying to wave down passing motorists. Its really surprising how many assholes will drive past without even a sideways glance. But anyway. Eventually a nice woman circles back and offers to jump me (literally, her words). She has no idea what to do, or even how to pop the hood. Oh well. I took matters into my own hands and had sparks arcing across from her car to mine (she didn't turn her car off). It was pretty rad, but eventually the car started. Old shitty cars rule. ( 1 Comments )

Cain     20 March, 2008, 05:48 am It was a long, hard week of drinking -- err, working -- on our 'Mini-Game' at work (the studio closed down for a week and divided us all up into teams of 7 or 8 people... each team had one week to make a video game. I was on a team with Owen, and if you know Owen you won't be surprised to hear that he led our team to glory with 'Fubar' -- The Drinking Game)... So, in need of a relaxing getaway, Steve and I stumbled drunkenly through downtown Friday afternoon laden with our ski gear and caught a bus out to the ferry. Sparky, Nick and Ben met us in Naniamo, and in two cars we drove north to Mount Cain for a great manly weekend of T-Bar assisted skiing, and drinking. Really, nothing too exciting -- we were very mellow, well behaved and generally respectable. Very little debauchery, indeed. (Though, Annie's mother's Bill Bryson book is now completely fucked -- it somehow found its way onto the floor of the back seat of Sparky's car and got itself soaked in BEER. How beer managed to get on the floor of the back seat of Sparky's car remains a mystery). Unlike last year, we were unable to get a spot to stay at the Mount Cain hostel, so we ended up spending both nights in a shitty -- but cosy -- motel in Woss. It had a pub attached to it. It was such an exciting pub that after going there for a beer Saturday night we collectively decided we'd have more fun sitting in our hotel room. So we did. Anyway, good times were had by all, and there are absolutely no bad stories to be told. Oh well, maybe next time? We got lots of practice doing donuts in Sparky's car going up and down the logging road to Cain, a bit of practice bouncing off snowbanks, and then even more practice putting chains on his wheels. There was also some good -- great? -- skiing. Who'd have thought we'd get over a foot of snow in mid-March? Thanks Ullr. The inbounds runs were pretty great, and the backcountry was borderline spectacular -- knee deep powder on top of a nice solid safe base. I went for one great backcountry tour and cornice drop with a couple stoner locals on Saturday (didn't know they were stoners til after the run, but apparently the rest of the guys knew and didn't bother telling me)... then Sparky and I ventured out for a couple laps with a local patroller, 'Ward' and his chickita. It was pretty rad. After one last gravy-filled meal in Sayward, Sparky got Steve and I to the last ferry home. After waiting for busses in the rain, we were home by 12:30am. How could a weekend be more relaxing? Anyone got any ski plans this weekend? My knee's pretty bummed, but I wouldn't mind a tour somewhere... ( 1 Comments )

Yes, I am a Porn Fiend.     13 March, 2008, 05:10 am Annie's mother recently loaned me another Bill Bryson book to read ('Neither Here Nor There'). It was made clear that this particular copy was hard to come by, so I should take good care of it. Duly noted. The spine fell apart while reading it in the sauna tonight. Two pages fell out. Best of all, those two pages center around a little mini-story about Bill discovering German porn on his first trip to Germany. They're pretty graphic. Awesome. ( 2 Comments )

Winery Reviews     9 March, 2008, 01:54 am I have decided to start a new blog-focus: Winery Reviews. We're up in Kelowna, visiting Annie's parents. Its her dad's birthday, or something, i think. i slept until noon, and then got wasted. We went wine-tasting. at 'vineyards' which are pronounced "vinyards" which is incredibly stupid. first we stopped at ... um... quail's gate, or something? i was a bit intimidated, but had a good bison burger and a glass of something wet and boozy. red wine, i suspect. Spelled "Foch" or something. You can imagine how i might pronounce that. everyone else had fancier stuff and used fancier lingo. Feelingly lightly buzzed, we then headed up the hill to 'Mission Hill' where we were led around by a pompous bitch with a Polish accent. Her name was Elizabeth. It was more of a tour to show us how rich their winery is than anything else. Some of the architecture was incredible, but definitely over the top. They had lots of sliding doors, for which i have a particular affinity. I asked a question about one (it had handles that stuck out, so how could it open completely?) and Elizabeth showed off her supreme bitchiness. I called her a battle-axe, several times. She heard me. What a bitch. At the end of the hour long rich-tour, we stood in a room and learned how snobs drink wine. We got 3 glasses of wine. Overall, I give the mission hill 5/10. It would be less were it not for the sweet sliding doors. Then we drove back down the hill to Quail's Gate and had more wine. Thank god it was a downhill drive. Quail's Gate is more my kinda place. We just stood at the bar and got friggin SERVED for an hour. I don't know how many glasses we had, but it was definitely more than 10. The girl was very friendly and remembered Annie's parents from last summer or something and she gave us lots of booze. And then I bought several bottles of shit I can't pronounce. And now i am drunk. I give that place a 10.37/10. And I am cut. Off to the hottub to drink more. ( 1 Comments )

I must be popular...     7 March, 2008, 05:21 pm My neighbours must really love me. This morning the woman who lives down the hall made a point of coming and sitting with me on the SeaBus (which generally kinda annoys me in the morning, before I've had coffee)... Right off, she said, "I just want to apologize." I said, "Huh? For what?" She went on to explain that she's always meddling in my business and scowling at me. "Uhh, when?" She mentioned the gasoline-spilling incident (over a year ago!), and two other incidents which I completely don't remember, but revolve around me making noise and/or a mess renovating. Awesome. At least I'm oblivious. ( 1 Comments )

Baker, again.     4 March, 2008, 01:49 am A big group of us (Me, Annie, Steve, Ginette, Sparky, Neysa, Tony, Janice, Nard) went back to The Logs in Glacier for the weekend. Ullr blessed us this time, with a nice dump of snow Friday night. Rad. Sparky blessed us with a 50L keg of beer. Even radder. The beer hit heavy during the days, as we skiied and hiked like mad... Annie and I had avvy gear and did some slackcountry touring. Fun stuff, but we were with a Swede feller when he got knocked 200' down a slope by a small avalanche. Scary stuff -- but a well-learned lesson. Everything was awesome, wonderful, perfect... except the return trip. We got screwed at the border. The not-so-friendly battle-axe of a border chick really didn't like me. Apparently I shifted my eyes when she asked how long we'd been in the states -- I overheard her mentioning that on the phone after she'd obviously set off some alarm inside... she also said, "And I just don't like him." Really, she did (perhaps the first case of a female not liking Big Jim?). We spent an hour inside as they slowly searched their computer for information indicating that we were terrorists... they ripped the car apart, and found the product literature for the ski helmet i'd bought at Christmas (still in my ski bag). So, eventually they let us go... but they probably think I was trying to smuggle my helmet. What a crock.. Worst of all, I know why I "shifted" my eyes -- we were crossing back into Canada almost exactly 48hrs after crossing into the US. To the minute. I thought that was pretty cool. So, because I was thinking that, I was thinking how cool it would be to respond to the usual "How long have you been away?" question with, "Exactly 48 hours!" Just for nerdy coolness. But, then I figured maybe I should just say "Two days," because it was less suspicious. So, this is what I was thinking about. Shucks. What a bitch. ( 2 Comments )

Wise Old Man     31 January, 2008, 00:43 am I just got three wisdom teeth yanked. I've been having problems with one for quite a while now (i had a cavity in it, and everything around it is infected). it was pretty rad. I was a bit nervous that it would hurt a lot (i refused freezing, because freezing is for wimps), but it wasn't too bad. The dentist spent about 30 minutes on the problem tooth on the bottom left (apparently there was puss oozing everywhere!), and then another 30 on the bottom right (he ended up breaking it in half and taking it out in pieces), and then about 1 minute on the top left. I'm betting it will hurt more with time, as the swelling sets in. Right now i'm chomping on gauze. Stay tuned, i'll write up a little summary of the Apex hockey debauchery soon(ish)... ( 2 Comments )

Nerds Rule     21 January, 2008, 10:28 pm (or possibly, "Autistics Rule") Today at work I found out that I'm *not* the only person who -- when bored or preoccupied -- obsessively sorts all the change in my pocket, from large to small. I'm also not the only one who stresses about whether the penny should be above or below the dime (penny is larger, dime is worth more). Which do you vote for? Penny > Dime, or Dime > Penny? ( 8 Comments )

Better call a locksmith...     21 January, 2008, 06:15 am Friday evening i went downstairs to move the new wagon to a different parking spot. I succeeded at that, but when i shut off the engine i looked at my hand and realized that half of the key had snapped off in the ignition. Really. This is a *relatively* common problem, but in my particular situation the key snapped off such that the only way to remove it would be to completely take apart the steering and ignition column. So, i got good and drunk Friday night, then spent my saturday morning calling locksmiths. Surprise, surprise, most didn't even want to come deal with my problem, and the few that would come wouldn't come until sunday, and even then they figured it would cost *at least* $300, if not more. So, i took it upon myself to take apart my ignition column. It's not a ridiculously easy task (they're designed to be tough, to keep away theives...), and it took a couple solid hours. Robert -- my old czech electrician friend -- helped out a bit at the end, then sent me down the hill to the neighbourhood locksmith. After a couple hours, the locksmith managed to get the broken part of the key out, but while doing so figured something might be wrong with the locking mechanism itself (car ignitions are surprisingly tricky little buggers). Anyway, $35 later I had a "rebuilt" ignition, so i ran home and re-installed it, excited to have fixed my car. wrong. the fixed lock was completely seized, which (sparing you the gory details) meant it was impossible to get it back out of the column. Shit. So, i spent about 6 hours today, hanging out with robert, trying to fix the car. i ended up chiseling apart my entire ignition column with a hammer and a screwdriver. i can't believe the cops didn't show up. long story, but by about 3pm robert and i had decided to install a series of switches and push-buttons into my dash -- in lieu of a keyed ignition. As we were picking out switches i had an idea and managed to start the car with a pair of needle nosed pliers. I can't give away any more gory details over the internet, but my idea worked, and after another couple hours i've got a fixed car. thank god. robert figured it would have cost over $1k at a mechanic to fix this problem. Owning a car less than 20 hours and having this happen is pretty shitty luck. But, it could happen to any car -- even a brand new one -- so i guess its not the car's fault. ( 1 Comments )

The Cannibal     18 January, 2008, 07:58 am Played hockey tonight. I may have been a bit drunk. Not too bad though. We had a work 'thing' today, where all the new hires got introduced... we had to give one sentence describing something interesting about themselves. most of the comments were pretty vanilla... 'has a black belt'... 'used to live in ___'... etc. So, i said, "Something interesting about me is that I've never turned down a free beer." I amuse myself. Anyway, lots of people gave me free drink tickets. Yay me. So, we drank. And then ended up drinking more at the Railway Club... I was kinda drunk, and it wasn't even 6:30. So, Annie showed up and escorted me to Timmy Horton's, so i could sober up and we could go buy that car. Which we did. It's actually a pretty sweet car. Not pretty, by any stretch, but i really think it'll be a solid car for a few years. I like it. Really. And toyotas run forever. And its AWD with optional 4x4. Wicked. I likey. Anyway. Then we rushed home and i sped off to my 9pm hockey game. I was excited to play... and i was feeling a bit feisty. Probably the booze. So, my first shift i got high-sticked in the throat and ended up spitting blood. i thought i was dying, but as it turned out, i'd bit my lip. Whew. Next shift i got in a scuffle with a guy in the corner who was twice my size. we threw some punches. i think i got cut again. this sorta thing kept up all game. eventually there was this one guy -- #40 -- who'd been barking with me all night (there's always one guy who i hate and who hates me... and i know we'd probably be best friends if we played on the same team)... anyway, after the whistle we got in a bit of a scrum behind the net. i forget exactly what happened, but at one point my dave was holding him and i was throwing haymakers to his face. it was great. then we were tangled up and somehow he managed to get his finger INSIDE MY MOUTH. Really. and he scratched the inside of my cheek, and i could taste the blood (hopefully from my cheek, and not just residual blood on his finger). so i got pissed off and bit his finger. he was pretty shocked, but it felt glorious. he incredulously asked, "who bites?" i dunno, i guess its wrong (really, it is), but i ask, "who sticks their finger in your mouth?" i figure i probably want to bite anything that gets stuck in my mouth. maybe not a tongue... hmm. sometimes. anyway, it sounds juvenile, but it was pretty invigorating. i score a goal, too. well, i guess someone tipped it in, but i shot it, and it ended up in the net. so i'm countin it. ( 2 Comments )

I am happy happy happy.     17 January, 2008, 03:44 am And if you believe that, you are gullible. A couple weeks back -- bouncing from lane to lane on the Connector, coming back from Kelowna -- i swore i'd buy a new (used) car to safely transport my cheap, sorry ass over snow-covered mountains in the winter. More importantly, i swore that never again would i rely on the VW bus to transport my cheap, sorry ass over snow-covered mountains in the winter. So, ever since then i've been car-shopping. What to buy? What to buy? ... After much deliberation (no, i don't really want your opinion, thanks!) annie and i decided we should buy one of those sweet old Toyota 4x4/AWD wagons. Roomy enough for ski gear, they are (mechanically) built like tanks and go forever, they have great traction in snow (AWD with lockable diffs), and comparatively great gas mileage (ie., 30mpg). You can't even buy a comparable vehicle *NEW* anymore. Pretty sweet. The problem is, there aren't many out there for sale... and very few of those are in usable condition. So, i've been obsessively searching. At first it was just a side-gig... when i was bored (or on the can) i'd surf around looking for a deal... then, as time wore on, The Search gradually took over my life. Now i think about finding a car for about 23 out of every 24 hours. I'm not sleeping. I'm exhausted and feel sick. Against my very best swears, last weekend i tempted fate and nervously drove the VW down into the mountains for our Mt Baker ski trip. Nothing went wrong and no one died. But it was colder inside than outside, i was scared shitless, and the driving was generally pretty unpleasant. Now, the crunch is really on -- i've begrudgingly committed to playing in the Apex outdoor hockey tournament next weekend (leaving here on Thursday), which means driving the Coquihalla again. In the middle of the winter. Covered in snow. I swear -- reswear -- that i'm not taking the VW. I'll book a flight before i'll do that. I'll take a cab if i have to. So, i really need a car. And last night i test-drove The Car. It was glorious. Mint condition (really). Not a spot of rust. The engine was perfect (considering its a 17 year old car). Really, it was great. Even you would agree if you'd seen it. I was skeptical, questioning, and open-minded -- I was the perfect used-car-shopper. Annie stood beside the Ruskie mob boss (the seller) while i rolled around on the greasy ground examining every nook and cranny looking for potential flaws... and i found none. I couldn't find one single thing to use as haggling bait. Nada. It was *Perfect* -- and it was cheap. Regardless, like a good used-car buyer i took down the VIN, thanked him profusely, and told him we had to get across town to test-drive The Other Car. No hasty purchases for me! Never buy a used car without doing the legwork first. We drove across town and drove The Other Car. It was great! Really, it was. But it wasn't *Perfect.* It was a bit more money, and was overall it was a bit shittier. I expected shitty -- i'm looking at cars made two decades ago -- so that wasn't a problem. Everything about it was really really really good, but nothing was quite "as good" as The First Car (well, I guess it had a CD deck, as opposed to cassette... but still). I thanked the second guy, and excitedly left -- i knew i was going to buy The First Car. So, i spent last night on the interweb, diligently researching the car's history -- forking out $60 for accident reports, etc -- and really found nothing wrong with it (there's an unclaimed accident on the report, but The Other Car has been in an accident, too). The decision was made -- we'd buy The First Car. Before going to bed I called the Ruskie -- no answer -- and left a message, excited to do some last-minute haggling. I was too excited to sleep. This morning i slept in a bit too late (probably because i haven't had a full night's sleep in weeks). I had to skip breakfast and run to catch my ferry. I forgot to bring my book to read on the boat. I had to sit next to a fat smelly guy. Downtown, the shitty plastic bag i was carrying my shitty cans of soup in (lunch!) ripped as i was crossing a busy street. Cans of soup scattered everywhere and i felt like i was homeless. Worse, the homeless guy who helped me pick them up offered me money. Really. Cars swerved as Hobo Jim waded through puddles picking up dented tins, cussing at passing vehicles. The day was clearly starting off to be shitty. But! But! Then everything got better! The Ruskie called me back! Through broken english he conveyed that he'd accepted my feeble attempt at haggling ($200 less than asking price) and agreed to meet me at 6pm to complete the transaction. Yay! Awesome! A NEW (used) car, so nice that even you -- a NEW (new) car fan -- would love and admire and compliment! Yes! I spent the next two hours too excited to work. Then, just as i was settling my brain and getting some work done, he called me back. It was like getting dumped. My instinct was to immediately spit out, "I decided not to buy your car." I don't really understand what he ended up saying but i got the gist of it -- he'd gone against his word and sold the car to someone else who'd shown up with cash in hand. No shit. I was pretty shocked, and also pretty pissed. But, what could i do? Take him to court for breaking a verbal contract? I think not. So, my day has been shitty ever since. I still need to find a car before Thursday. That's getting a bit tight, huh? Chances are I'll probably just suck it up, accept that i'm a Loser and buy the shittier Other Car -- for more money than The Good Car. It's still a great (great!) car, but i doubt you'll be complimenting me on it. At least it has a heater. Thank god. --- I'm reading books again. I love reading books, but never seem to have/make the time to get it done. I guess I have more time now that I don't sleep. Over Christmas i finished The Skin of a Lion. It was wonderful, and made me feel snobby and smart for reading something so literary on my vacation. Ahh, lovely. I followed it up with the even more enjoyable and inspiring A Walk in the Woods. Awesome. And now I'm washing that down with the hilarious and too-true-to-be-real Midnight Hockey. It's all about Bill Gaston and his experiences playing hockey (specifically oldtimers hockey), and it beautifully describes why i love playing hockey -- the camaraderie and nudity and drunkenness and friendships with people who feel like brothers but you know you'll never get around to having them over for dinner. Its so good that i've been bending corners so i'll remember to go back and read them again. I want everyone i've ever known who's ever wondered why i go get banged up playing hockey -- week after week -- to read it. When I finish it i'm actually going to email him and thank him. Really, i'm going to do it. I couldn't have gotten the book at a better time -- I'm facing possible shoulder surgery, my knees are in constant pain, i play with "kids" 10 years younger than me, I'm getting older and slower. Our team sucks (it seems all teams I play on suck, and i'm the only common denominator!), and it seems that more often than not I go home more annoyed than when i hit the ice (that's the whole point of hockey -- to skate around for an hour and not have to think about the rest of This Shitty Life, knowing that you can do prettymuch anything you want and -- worst case -- just have to sit in a box for 5 minutes in punishment). i keep wondering why i subject myself to the abuse we call hockey, week after week... At the end of every season I'm a little more inclined to "hanging up" the skates. As Bill Gaston calls it, "the final buzzer" always seems to be right around the corner. But anyway... the book is comprised of short "segments," without a real big cohesive plot or anything (it doesn't need one). Some of them he just calls "memories." One of my favourite segments is about the inevitable couple guys on every team who have really stinky hockey bags (there's always a couple, and they're even more stinky than regularly stinky hockey bags). It reminded me of a time in the dressing room before a game in university... There was a guy on our team who was complaining about how his garage was cold and he could never really get his gear dried out because his roommates wouldn't let him bring it inside the house -- it was too stinky. Worse, his garage was full of rats. Well, we hadn't played for over a month (it was the Christmas Break) and after our last game he'd had a couple too many beers and forgotten to open up his wet, sweaty, stinky gear to air out. It sat and festered for a month in a cold, wet, rat-infested garage. Not good. Obviously, we'd all watched excitedly as he opened up the bag (the stench!) and started pulling out slimy, smelly gear -- covered in mold. Mold! Well, as it turned out, it looked like mold -- but it wasn't mold. "What the hell is this shit?" he asked annoyed, wiping some off the inside of his shinpad with a paper towel. Turns out he'd hit the nail on the head -- it was shit. Rat shit. His gear was liberally coated with rat shit, and we were due on the ice in 10 minutes and that rat shit coated gear had to be strapped to his naked body. We all laughed pretty hard as he went into the shower -- pre-game! -- and tried to rinse his gear off. We laughed even harder as he skated around soaking wet all night, knowing full well that with every stride he was forcing the rat shit deeper and deeper into his opened, sweaty pores. It was really, realy, gross. It's probably not that funny -- i think you had to be there (Mike, were you there?) -- but i still laugh every time i think about it. Its those times that I need to remember when i'm bruised and battered and thinking about hanging up the skates. Maybe the tournament next week -- which I'm kinda dreading -- will turn out to be as fun as it was last year. ( 1 Comments )

Mt Baker and Toothaches.     15 January, 2008, 06:31 am Had a fun weekend staying in a little log cabin in Glacier, WA, at the foot of Mount Baker. Me, Annie, Mel, Tony, Owen, Leah and Paul all headed down Friday night. Good times, a couple beers, and lots of talk about hobos. We skied some pretty heavy and wet -- but fun! -- snow on Saturday, then Cross-country skied Sunday. It was pretty rad. We drank quite a bit in between, too, and played some pin the tail on the donkey and taboo (i think?). i don't remember everything. the cabin was a sweet deal -- it worked out to only about $25/person/night. Not bad. Want to go back with me? So, on a different tack... sometimes i feel like my life is a Seinfeld episode. A few weeks before Christmas I was out for lunch with some co-workers and was saying how I don't really trust dentists, but needed to find a dentist for a cleaning. So, yeah, right after lunch, one of the guys i was eating with emails me his wife's contact info -- apparently she's a dentist. Cool. I go and see her, and she's super-nice and wonderful. It was great. Awesome. Everyone was excited that I was friends with her husband. Cool. About halfway through the cleaning I casually ask how much a new custom-fitted hockey mouthguard would cost -- my old one is about 7 years old, and pretty rotten. She tells me it won't be much, and my insurance will cover it. Sounds good to me. So, she gets her receptionist to look into it, but assures me it'll be covered, and goes ahead and takes the mouth-fitting. I got the mouthguard, and all was well. Sure enough, last week i got a bill in the mail for $200 -- my dental converage didn't cover the mouthguard. So, I'm a bit annoyed, and phone up the office to discuss -- figuring we could (at least) meet halfway and split the charges. The receptionist wasn't too impressed, but agreed to discuss it with the dentist. I was pretty content to leave it at that, not pay the bill, and never go back to that dentist (and, probably never talk to my co-worker who sits 10 feet away). But. Sure enough, as fate would have it, this weekend -- for perhaps the first time in my life?! -- i got a toothache. Over 48 hours it got progressively worse, and i was desperate to see a dentist. So, this morning the receptionist calls and explains that because of the misunderstanding they'll pay half the bill. I think previously i was annoyed enough that i'd have held out until they dropped the charges entirely, but i was in a lot of pain and pretty desperate to see a dentist, so i thanked her profusely and agreed to pay and please god can i please come in tomorrow morning to have my goddamn teeth fixed!?! Cool, i got an appointment for 8:30am and we're all friends again and the dispute is over. Then, as i'm about to hang up the phone, she politely explains to me, "You know, we're only going to let you off on the charges because her husband referred you." What? "Um, ok?" And then she repeated it, explaining that i really owed the money and they were doing me a favour. Why would she tell me that? It's not as though I'm going to try to scam them out of mouthguards every time i visit, is it?! I'll bet tomorrow's appointment will be really comfortable. ( 1 Comments )

Another Successful Crossing     1 January, 2008, 04:24 am Just got in from yet another successful crossing of the Coquihala, this time returning home from Kelowna. I've spent the past four or five days nervously watching the weather network, looking for my "weather window." Fucking hell, do I ever need a real car... This drive was only about 7 hours, and -- all things considered -- it went pretty smoothly... Weather was pretty good (great visibility, only partially snow-covered roads, colder than fuck, etc), but it still sucked ass. The VW was acting like a faithful old friend, sputtering and wheezing the whole way. A real bitch. It's not like the drive would have been overly fun to begin with... obviously, it was freeeeeezing cold (we were wearing full ski gear and those useless little "hand warmer" things stuffed into our boots). The VW isn't insulated, so it has the nifty quality of being colder than the outside air... Mix in some wind-chill and you find yourself searching for a gun to eat. The wipers barely worked (a relatively new development), and the wiper fluid mechanism didn't work at all (obviously -- it never has), so we had fun taking turns leaning out our respective opened windows into the -50C wind-chill and squirting water from a spray bottle onto the dirty sandy salty windshield. The wipers would then mix the freshly sprayed water with the dirt on the windshield and we'd end up with a cool cement-like paste covering everything. Of course. Sometimes we'd get lucky and end up with an inch-high "clear" streak I could peer through (thin enough I'd have to close one eye and squint like a friggin pirate) and limp on for a few more miles. It felt like I was driving an armoured car and peering through that little slit in the armour, hoping not to get shot. Usually, though, I'd end up having to blindly swerve onto the shoulder/snowbank/ravine. Then, one of us would get out and dodge traffic while cleaning everything off with snow and a frozen squeegee (everything in the van was frozen, including the cat). This usually all "went down" about halfway up one of the never-ending goddamn climbs, so merging back into traffic while going 1 mpg was really fun. That fun little sequence played itself out every 10 or 15 minutes. Sometimes I swore and shook my fist at passing motorists, sometimes we just enjoyed the scenery from the side of the road. One time, actually, we timed it *just right* and got to help a couple who'd rolled (and totaled) their SUV. Imagine the shock: startled, you've just crawled out of an overturned SUV in the middle of nowhere and you look up to see some idiot walking toward you -- dressed in full ski-gear -- offering to help you. Behind him is a girl busying herself with a squeegee and a spray-bottle, washing the windshield of a shitty old VW bus... I think I may have really scared them when I suggested we attach a tow-strap and try to "right" their truck. They looked a bit like they were thinking about climbing back in... So, as if that wasn't all bad enough (it was!), the VW "bucked." Literally, it bucked down the highway. Bucked like a fucking bronco. I shit you not. It's happened before, but never this badly. I really, truly, honestly, think that wheels may have been leaving the ground. The problem was probably (hopefully) just a typical frozen gas-line (really not that 'typical' of a problem for cars made in the past quarter century), and it made driving pretty tough. When applying pressure to the gas pedal (which you tend to do quite often, when crossing a mountain pass) something would randomly trigger a buck. Sometimes it was small enough to almost go un-noticed (Annie wouldn't even have to clutch a handle), other times we'd end up in the other lane. It really sucked when going around curves or changing lanes. Thank god we could cinch those seat-belts down tight. I tried to buy some gas-line antifreeze at the info booth in Merritt, but the crazy old bat working there (wearing a tiara!?!) told me she'd sold the last two bottles to a guy who'd bought them "in case someone on the highway was having problems." Who does that? So, we drove all the way into Merritt (a 10km detour) to buy 7 or 8 bottles. I threw them into the tank every once in a while, usually while Annie was cleaning the windshield and Charley was being fat. Unfortunately, they didn't really seem to help much. The situation eventually worsened, to the point where I was making mental notes of every passing distinguishing geographical feature so i could most-accurately report our location when the inevitable "emergency" phone call had to be made (i'd already made one 9-1-1 call today, so I knew what kind of info they'd want). The old girl bucked worse when transitioning from "coasting" to "accelerating," so i ended up too stressed to ever take my foot from the gas pedal. I drove for about 3 hours straight continually applying exactly the same amount of foot-pressure. I'm still pretty strung out. I'd planned to go out tonight to get wasted for new years, but now I think i'll just stay home, get drunk as fuck, and search craigslist for a good deal on a "new" car. I feel like i've earned one. Maybe something made in the last 20 years? Happy #@!%ing New Years. ( 4 Comments )

Sledding.     29 December, 2007, 00:05 am Woke up this morning knowing that i had the flu. Sometimes you just know. "Flu-like symptoms." Aka, i grew well acquainted with the toilet bowl. Fought through it though, and ended up going on an epic backcountry tabogganing adventure, up being the Janes family estate. We blazed some new trails, and invented new moves. I rode stand-up on the wood taboggan three times, only damaging my tailbone once. Annie dominated the downhill on the crazy carpet. We hit a few rocks (and a buried chain-link fence, once -- what kind of negligent asshole leaves a coiled up chain-link fence buried under snow?!) and got pretty sore, so a trip to the hottub was called for afterward. And beers. Tonight we're off to the blazers vs rockets hockey game in kelowna. that should be fun and drunk. fun times. ( 1 Comments )

Merry #@!%ing Christmas.     27 December, 2007, 06:16 am Sitting by the tree in Annie's parents' basement, just outside Kelowna... drinking (seemingly non-stop -- i bought 54 beers this afternoon). The Janes family is huddled around a poker table across the room, i'm de-wrinkling from my hot-tub session and reading an awesome book I got for christmas -- "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson. He's a very funny adventure/travel writer. I've spent most of the day reading excerpts to anyone within earshot. Really, it's some funny shit. I had no idea you were allowed to write the way he does. Kinda inspires me to down a 12-pack and do some writing. Ah yes, someday. Soon. Really. Christmas has been cool, though I have -- surprisingly? -- missed my family. Ah well, it sounds like they all made out okay. I think i got drunk after work on friday (actually, maybe at work?) ... not sure what happened that night. The next day i got some "freshies" up at whistler with trev and rose. it was awesome... it snowed (heavily) all the way from horseshoe bay to whistler. trev drove, thank god -- that would have been 3 hours of freezing hell in the VW (why do i still drive that thing?!). The skiing was great, and because of Rose we probably skied 2 hours longer than we would have had she not been along. We got lots of good tree skiing, and some cliff skiing... like when trev and i thought it would be fun to scare rose in the 'VD Trees' by telling her to look out for cliffs, then getting stuck on the side of a 20 footer immediately afterward. She skiied on safely to the left, we clung to an icy rockface for 15 minutes calling her name... first calling out for her to "scout" the landing below us (we couldn't see what was looming below the ledge we were trapped on), and then innocently shouting, "Rose... help!... Rose... help???" Eventually we shake-and-baked (twice) and jumped into the fluffy goodness below. I planned my jump, first -- envisioning myself springing a good 10 feet or so outward into what was clearly soft, safe snow. instead i barely cleared the ledge i was cowering on. Oh well, we survived and were pretty proud of ourselves. So proud, in fact, that about 200 feet further down we got stuck on the side of an ice-waterfall. Really. Anyway. It was a great day, ending with a long peak-to-creek ski-out. A tele-nerd asked to borrow my lurk halfway down the hill (wtf? would you ask to borrow someone's skis?), and then a tele-babe skiied up to tell me how cool i looked skiing with the lurk, and probably wanted to get my digits. She started telling me how she saw "someone" with a lurk skiing the year before, and how cool he looked. Immediately Rose and I both knew it was matt. damnit. That night annie and i ended up getting pretty drunk at a ski-patroller party. drunk enough that sunday morning i really wasn't excited to set out in the snow up the coquihala in the VW. The VW has become a character in my life. i think of her as an important family member, like charley. She's quirky, and a huge pain in the ass, but life's more fun with her. That said, why the hell am i still driving that thing? God. From north van to kelowna turned into a hellish 7.5 hour, freezing cold epic adventure. The VW, of course, has no heater, the wipers are prettymuch useless, and the wiper spray mechanism is toast anyway. It was cold enough that annie and i wrapped ourselves in tin foil in a desperate attempt to retain body heat. Charley was comatose in the back, wrapped in insulation (the fatty kind). Every few minutes we had to pull off and wash the windshield with snow and a squeegee. Fun shit. We got run off the road twice by assholes trying to pass in a snow storm. Several times i sang new and exciting songs about how much i hate VWs, and/or shitty drivers. The time in kelowna has, of course, been epic in itself. Lots of eating, loud talking, singing, and drinking. We skiied silver star on the 24th, and it was pretty rad. i think we're heading back there tomorrow, or maybe to big white. We'll see which gets the most snow. Today annie and i went to the mall (boxing day!) to find her some new snowpants. Fun times. I didn't know that stores lock their doors and admit only limited numbers of people at a time. Really. Afterward we stopped off and visited lindsey roberts and her lovely husband, Samwise -- for those of you who know them. They're doing splendidly, sporting a darling infant boy, Jesus (i think. Maybe Jackson). Fun as things have been, i'd probably be more relaxed if i wasn't constantly looking for a "weather window" to get the main character back to vancouver in... leaving it abandoned on the side of the road up here until spring has crossed my mind. Anyway, that's it for now. Merry Christmas. ( 1 Comments )

And we're back...     10 December, 2007, 07:32 am Really, we are... We're back from Baja, and we're back online... I'm going to start posting again, too. Really. ( 1 Comments )

On the Road     16 May, 2007, 05:15 pm Friends and lovahs, Tomorrow morning (Thursday) is the great departure date. i'll be gone roughly two months, hopefully with as little access to computers as is humanly possible these days. Try not to miss me too much, though i will definitely miss you too much. Really. I'll be thinking about you as annie and i limp the bus through sand-dunes searching for remote empty beaches to surf and windsurf in the depths of baja. hopefully the trusty old girl (the VW, not annie) gets us all the way south and back -- why wouldn't she? regardless, i'm pretty excited as this is shaping up to be the adventure of a lifetime... i hope. the planning has been stressful (lots of insurance, paperwork, etc), and so has the packing (i've never packed for two months before -- how do you pack minimally when you need clothes to suit climates over 3000kms apart?) have a great start to the summer, i'll be back around July 15thish. annie will be back around july 1st. ----- And, on that note... i've had requests to start a little trip-blog where i can post photos and updates, ever once in a while. i doubt there'll be very many updates, but i guess the occasional post could be fun. so, since this blog is a bit archaic and hard to use, i've started one dedicated to the trip... you'll find it here: http://jamesinkster.blogspot.com/ ( 3 Comments )

Swim Swim     3 May, 2007, 00:13 am So, as a followup to my last adventure at the pool, I've been going swimming quite a bit lately, trying to get in shape for the big surf trip... Last week I was swimming in the 'fast' lane. I'm not a fast swimmer, nor am i in very good shape... The 'moderate' and 'slow' lanes were a bit too busy for my tastes, and the 'fast' lane was empty, so i figured, "why not?" Sure enough, before the shrinkage even set in, two other swimmers had hopped in the lane with me. I'm not a very competitive guy, but for some reason i really wanted to "keep up" with them. Too bad i was in the lead -- i didn't want to get passed! So, after about 15 minutes of the hardest, fastest swimming i've ever done, i started to suck wind... at that point i started noticing the lifeguard -- who was walking the length of the pool alongside me as i swam!! i think he thought i was gonna drown. turns out i just about did drown and had to switch from front-crawl to "walrus" style halfway through my last length. it took me even longer than 15 minutes to catch my breath. Annie and i hit up the pool a couple times on the weekend. since we're trying to get into good "paddling" shape, i figured it would be a good idea to strap various pieces of foam to my body to simulate the feeling of lying on a board (and thus only paddling with my arms, not my whole body). it looked a bit goofy, and it took a while for annie to finally join in... but even she admitted it was pretty fun. well, friendly lifeguard guy comes over and says, "hmm, that looks fun." i explained what i was trying to do, so he had (what he thought) was an even better idea, and came back with two big pieces of foam, thinking we could lie on them like a board. he was right, and it worked pretty nicely... except my arms got worn raw by the rubbery textured foam. as i learned later, my nipples also got rubbed raw. raw to the point of bleeding, actually. i've been in agony since sunday -- it's painful enough that i can't sleep on my stomach! so, i'm getting overly excited about the trip. i can't wait. yay yay eager. turns out my birthday is sunday. anyone want to grab a beer or something fun saturday night? ( 4 Comments )

Manly Weekend     24 April, 2007, 03:52 am Had a pretty manly weekend. Went for a couple drinks with Andy and Leah after work on friday, then went home and got drunk as fuck with Ricky, watching the Trailer Park Boys movie. Woke up late morning, drove to the auto parts store and bought parts. Spent the afternoon lying under the van trying to fix up my second fuel tank (so I can make it through Baja)... swapped in a new fuel pump, which only took me about 4 hours. I'm a little more careful with fuel than I used to be, so I only got one thorough dousing, and i was only high/sick from the fumes for about 2 hours afterward. rode the skytrain out to surrey for my buddy's stag party. we watched the game (yawn) at a pub and got good and drunk... you know, it's a stag, so lots of shots, etc... somehow i ended up spending $100. next we went somewhere. bowling i think. not sure. i remember me and my friend dave running down the highway (???) and scaling a corrugated metal fence into a junkyard... i think even Ricky would agree that by that point in the evening we were drunk as fuck. the stag was supposed to end at the bowling alley, but a good contingent of us landed at a nearby stripjoint. mugs and jugs, i believe it was called. that's all i remember though. i have vague recollections of riding the skytrain home, then vivid recollections of waking up on the seabus with a desperate need to find a "good" place to puke (i was pretty convinced that the carpet in the corner would be ideal). don't worry, i made it home (but got heckled a bit, i think). charley knew i had a big day of automotive work ahead of me, so she made sure i was out of bed by 9am. i'm not sure if it was the booze or the gasoline, but i was a hurting unit. much of the day was spent doing work on the van (replumbed the fuel lines of my backup tank, only to discover that the inside of my tank is rusty and needs to be dropped... running wires... installing temperature and volt gauges... etc.). it was kinda fun, other than the dizzy spells (one of which resulted in me banging my head very hard on the bumper) and the bleeding knuckles. oh, the spots of rain kinda sucked too. the multiple expensive trips to the parts shop weren't too fun, either. i didn't have too many near-disasters... the only potentially really bad incident occurred when i managed to drop a spark plug inside the engine tin. whoops. a quick trip upstairs for some 5htp, and i had it all sorted out -- thank god for magnets. then i rewarded myself with a steak for dinner, along with a beer. and then i went to the gym, because i didn't feel like i'd worked hard enough. I am mucho man. tonight, after work i went in to get some travel vaccinations. afterward i decided to take the bus home, figuring it would save me a long walk back to the seabus. no problem, right? somehow -- after 30 minutes of waiting -- i ended up on what i *thought* was the right bus. instead i spent an hour winding through the north shore mountains, nowhere near home. surprisingly i was calm and actually found myself enjoying the scenery. it sure is nice up there. ( 2 Comments )

The Pool     19 April, 2007, 04:49 pm Well, lindsay's gone for another week+. A 5am departure. Fun times!! Last night we went to one of the North Van rec centers for a swim in the pool (very nice! and close to my house! now i can happily cancel my stupid fitness world membership, even though it is dirt-cheap). All was good, other than lindsay's a better swimmer than me. whatever. So, after the swim I need a shower to get the chlorine off. There are three showerheads, and two guys are in there already. I strip down and walk up to the vacant showerhead, wave my hand in front of the "sensor" and wait for it to come on. it doesn't work. i keep trying... waving my hands like an angry frustrated madman... the guys beside me (friends evidently) don't say anything... No big deal, i'm used to the showers in arenas not working, so i step away and wait patiently (naked) for one of these two guys to finish their shower. They showered (more chatting than showering going on) for seriously ten minutes while i stood there waiting... i was raging mad... who does that? like, it's obvious that i'm waiting for the shower, isn't it? So, finally they leave. still fuming i walk up the recently vacated showerhead and wave my hand in front of the sensor... nothing. Turns out that the sensor is actually a "button" and I'm an idiot. I wonder what they thought? ( 3 Comments )

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